Feeling Womanhood Deeply

It seems somehow that my desire for womanhood is the one thing that everyone says I can’t have, but who are they to say why I should feel a certain way or want certain things? I want the very thing that their closed minds crusade against. It seems that the thing that brings me the most joy is the thing that they say will bring them the most shame. So they don’t have to be in my life if that’s the case.
They are very judgmental, and they voice their suspicions behind my back, and ridicule what they think about people like me to my face they. They throw hints and make subtle remarks about Queens like me. I am my family’s mystery. I will never come out to them; that would give those skeptical envious ones more reason to gloat. Understanding or even considering my view is out of the question. There tolerance level is low to nil.

They seem to think that girls like me who see sex different in spite of the obvious display of specific genitals should be given a special brand and select punishment. They don’t like the way I shake my ass when I dance or my mannerisms. If they feel uncomfortable and even inferior, because of lost communication and comprehension, that’s their problem. They’ll never know that our fears are mutual. I too didn’t want to admit it in the beginning, but I have learned to embrace my femininity and take whatever action it dictates.

Yet the family find it okay to try to direct me towards some paths they choose. Their personal emotions come into play because they know that I won’t change and would never live my life their way. Sometimes our fear of humiliation forces us to life in shadows because families curse and disrespect our true sexuality. I am strong except when it comes to exposing my secret life and allowing my envious family to take open shots at my lifestyle. I am a coward yes, but in this case secrecy for me is the right decision. Complete disclosure might make the humiliation a common fixture. There is but one choice that I can make, and I have made that choice with no regrets, because most of the time I am happy being myself.