Once a Slut Always a Slut

I held my breath – and then I knew I had crossed a line – I had become by my submission, in that instant of time, another individual.

I had known Paul Phillips since I had arrived at the local school in the village some 6 years before. We had moved on together to the grammar school in a nearby town a couple of years later. We had been sort of friends from the start but as we grew older he became one of the ‘in-crowd’ and it seemed everyone sought his company and approval – for why I am not entirely sure but perhaps it was that he was a keen sportsman; good-looking bloke with an acerbic wit which he would use to cut others into pieces.

I, on the other hand, was an ‘also ran’; always on the edge of what was going on – rarely a part of it and then only as the butt of Paul Phillip’s sarcasm, with which he would often humiliate me, leaving me red-faced and feeling very inadequate. Yet at times, when he had no one else to talk to or meet with, he would revert to the old days and could be quite pleasant. This in a way made it worse because I never knew which persona he was using until he either said something nice or something nasty.

Then there was the way he looked at me; I felt he knew my guilty secret – I like to dress in girls clothes.

The events I shall describe all happened some years ago and society had not yet reached a level of maturity, that it has today, in accepting transvestites, transgender and all that goes with it. This made me cautious and concerned about being ‘found out’ and what would happen to me both at school and at home.

So, in common with many at the time I indulged in my secret pleasure – and told no one!

I had just turned 15, small and weedy by the standards of my fellow classmates – my hair was thick, reasonably long and blonde so I was, and had been as a child, often mistaken for a girl. This did not entirely help as I was often called a ‘pouf’, queer or strange. My father was always going on about the length of my hair but had, grudgingly, accepted that it was the fashion and so it was usually shoulder length.